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Feeling Unappreciated in a Relationship? Read This!

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Are you feeling unappreciated in a relationship?

All relationships face challenges from time to time. It’s not reasonable to expect that your relationship will be all unicorns and rainbows 24/7.

Unfortunately, we don’t receive a lot of instruction on how to show appreciation or how to deal with challenges in relationships. It certainly wasn’t covered in high school. However feeling appreciated in a relationship is essential for mental health and happiness.

But if you want to be in a relationship, it’s necessary to deal with disappointments, disagreements and struggles that happen along the way. No one ever said it was easy.

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What do you do when you feel unappreciated in a relationship?

feeling unappreciated in a relationship#1. First Step – Return to the past.

There was a time when your relationship was great. Remember those times together when things were going well. Remember your first date. Remember your favorite trip you took together. Relive how things used to be. You’re bound to return to many of the same feelings from those times.

#2. Identify the issue.

What exactly is wrong? Why are you feeling unappreciated and taken for granted? What’s causing you to feel unappreciated and neglected in your relationship? Is there something you’re doing wrong?

Be clear with each other about what’s coming between you. Identify the challenge and you can begin to find a solution.

#3. Schedule time together.

Many relationships struggle due to not spending enough time together. The simple solution is to schedule time together on a regular basis. Turn off the TV and get out of the house together. Play a board game. Go see a movie. Take a walk in the park together,  or relax together on your patio to the go backyard camping,  or relax together with a bonfire on your deck or in your backyard.     feeling unappreciated in a relationship

#4. Forgive.

The issue in many relationships is the accumulation of resentments over a long period of time. If you can’t let go of the times you feel that you were underappreciated in your relationship or wronged in some way, eventually it becomes too much to bear.

One of the secrets to a lasting relationship is a strong ability to forgive quickly.

What brings couples closer together?

feeling unappreciated in a relationship#1. Take a trip.

Plan a trip together. Ensure it’s a place that you’re both excited to visit. Build some new, positive memories together. Get away from your current home and routine, and you’ll find it’s easier to reconnect with each other. Even a back-yard camping trip can be fun and bond-building.

#2. Compromise.

You can’t have everything your way. Relationships require a lot of compromise. In fact, the compromising never seems to end. Compromising without divorcing yourself is a skill, and it’s not always easy to learn.

We all have preferences, but they can’t be met all the time when you’re in a relationship. It’s one of the disadvantages of being in a relationship.

#3. Avoid giving up too soon.

Many people erroneously believe that a good relationship shouldn’t require work. This couldn’t be more wrong 99% of the time.

The early stages of relationships are often quite easy. Everyone is on their best behavior, and everything is so new. However, in a few months, reality sets in and things become harder. How hard are you willing to work to have a good relationship? That’s up to you.

#4. Get professional help.

If all else fails, get help from a professional. You wouldn’t rebuild the electric transmission in your car. Perhaps, you might not be able to fix your relationship on your own either. Give an expert a chance before throwing in the towel. It can be uncomfortable, but many effective things are. Be strong.

What to do when you feel unappreciated in your relationship

If you have a relationship, you’re going to have challenging times. It’s not possible to feel close all of the time. There will be struggles to navigate.

Fortunately, most relationship issues (including feeling unappreciated in your relationship) can be overcome if you and your partner are committed and patient.

Give your relationship the attention it needs to heal and thrive. Good relationships require work, but are an important part of a fulfilling life.

Why do I feel unappreciated in my relationship??

If you are feeling unappreciated you are not alone!

Basically, there are three general places we feel unappreciated: at work, at home, and within a relationship. If you are feeling unappreciated,  it’s probably within one of these three areas of your life.

For example, children (especially teenagers) are notoriously unappreciative.  Also, spouses and bosses seldom recognize and appreciate the contributions we make. Even friends and coworkers can fail to show the appreciation we believe we deserve.

Actually, everyone feels unappreciated at times. If you’re feeling unappreciated in a relationship, you need to address it before it leads to feelings of anger and resentment.

Signs you are not valued in a relationship

1. You feel resentment towards someone in your life.

If you feel resentful toward someone, you might be feeling unappreciated. Especially if they did not do anything obvious to upset you.

If you’ve been feeling resentful lately, ask yourself why?

2. You do all the work to maintain a relationship.

Are you doing all the work in a relationship? Is the other person doing their share? Unfortunately, this may be why you feel unappreciated.

Relationships are never exactly equal. Healthy relationships are equal over time, but not all the time.

3. No one thanks you for your contribution.

We don’t have to receive a medal for every little thing we do, but it’s nice when others recognize our efforts.

4. No one asks for your opinion.

When no one asks our opinion, we don’t feel valued.  But, when others ask your opinion, they respect you.

5. The other person isn’t making time for you.time management help

If someone never has time for you, you’re likely to feel unappreciated in the relationship. This is especially true if they seem to have time for other people and activities.

Does the list above resonate with you? If you are feeling unappreciated in  a relationship, it’s time to do something about it.

Follow these strategies if you are feeling unappreciated in a marriage:

1. Determine why you feel unappreciated in a relationship.

Give  yourself some soul therapy by writing down the times you feel unappreciated. What exactly is happening? Who is involved? What is being said or not being said?

2. Determine what you need to feel appreciated.

What needs to change? What has to be done or said for you to feel better?

3. Be more appreciative.

This might sound odd, but a good strategy for receiving more appreciation is to give more appreciation. However, this can be hard to do when you feel unappreciated. Try it and see if this strategy works for you.

4. Talk about your needs.

It’s always better to communicate your needs than to just remain upset.  For instance, tell the other person how you’re feeling and why. Also, be sure to offer a solution and be willing to listen to the response.

5. Change your behavior.how to change your life for the better

If your actions aren’t appreciated, perhaps what you do doesn’t matter to the other person. Maybe you should spend it in other ways.  For instance, you could rearrange your life to feel more appreciated.

In some situations, you simply have to accept that you won’t receive the appreciation you deserve. This often occurs in work situations. Focus on feeling proud of your contributions and be thankful for your paycheck!

Still, you can receive the appreciation you desire if you speak up for yourself. Most people are kind and will correct their behavior once they realize the negative it has on others. If you’re not feeling appreciated, stop suffering in silence and get the appreciation you deserve! Not feeling appreciated in a relationship can lead to harmful feelings of contempt.

How Contempt Can Harm Your Relationship When You’re Feeling Underappreciated

Contempt: it’s one of the most poisonous ways of communication that can ruin your relationship. It normally shows up as a result of unresolved anger that gets built up over time.

But what is contempt? And how might it harm your relationship?

How do you and your partner share or process anger? Contempt happens when one or both partners bottle up their anger. Instead of being able to share that they are angry, or explain why they are upset, they attack or undermine their partner.

Instead of explaining why they are upset, the partner uses the weapon of contempt. Contempt undermines the other partner indirectly, causing them to feel unimportant or unloved.

Such as:

  • “Hasn’t your mother taught you how to take care of things?”
  • “You’re never on time, what’s wrong with you?”
  • “Don’t you know that this restaurant is closed on Sundays? Where is your brain?”

Contempt is full of harmful, critical language that makes one partner superior to another. These comments might invalidate a partner.

Watch Your Body Language

feeling unappreciated in a relationshipContempt might also show up in a person’s body language, such as eye rolling or ignoring the other, turning away with a shrug.

If this sounds like something happening in your relationship, it should be addressed immediately! Conflict happens in every relationship – but negative, critical comments like this can destroy a person’s self-esteem and the relationship.

According to relationship experts at The Gottman Institute, contempt is the biggest predictor of divorce. It’s a negative power move that when used, makes the other partner feel inferior.

Contempt is criticism from a position of superiority. It is a level beyond criticism. Contempt shows up as comments that make one partner seem superior to the other.

If you’re feeling unappreciated in your relationship, try talking it over and commit to using a marriage resource to navigate the difficult spots in your marriage.

Here’s how to overcome contempt in your relationship

Express how you are feeling.

feeling unappreciated in a relationshipAvoid pointing fingers or using “you statements.” “You statements” might make your partner feel like he’s doing something wrong.

Instead, focus on communicating how you feel and suggesting a solution. Invite your partner to do the same so you can create a solution together.

  • “When [triggering event] happens, I feel [emotion]. Would you be interested if we [suggest a solution] instead?”
  • “I’m feeling [how you feel], and I need [state a need]. Can we talk about a solution that works for both of us?”
  • “I felt angry when we arrived at the restaurant and it was closed. I still feel a little stressed. Can we hug?”

Build a “culture of appreciation.”

feeling unappreciated in a relationshipLook for positives about your partner and the things he says or does. Make a point to regularly express affection, gratitude, and appreciation for him.

Spend five minutes daily expressing specific gratitude or compliments between you and your partner. Do it for one year and experience how your relationship grows deeper and stronger

Listen with empathy and without interrupting.

feeling unappreciated in a relationshipUnderstand that you and your partner might have experienced the same situation differently. Make a point to understand each other’s perspectives and feelings.

  • Try not to be dismissive or offensive. Try not to belittle your partner. Instead, acknowledge his feelings.
  • Instead of criticizing your partner, give him feedback. Talk about your perspective and make a suggestion or request.

Pay attention to your body language during an argument.

You might notice yourself get tense, shrug, or cross your arms. These are all ways our bodies close ourselves from our partners. If you notice yourself doing that, try turning towards your partner and uncrossing your arms.

Seek professional guidance.

feeling unappreciated in a relationshipIf you or your partner still struggle to communicate, hiring an unbiased, professional couple’s therapist can help you both find a resolution.

Overcoming contempt can rebuild the trust, love and appreciation in the relationship. It can build both partners’ self-esteem and confidence, so that both partners can experience the truest and happiest love.

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