This post may contain affiliate links to resources to help readers learn how to control anger in a relationship. Please see my full disclosure policy for details.
Want to learn how to control anger in a relationship? Anger is a normal and natural human emotion that can occur during a relationship, often due to frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed.
Unfortunately, failure to control your anger can lead to ugly confrontations that can ruin a once healthy relationship.
Tips for Healthy Anger Management In Your Relationship
- Calm down. Before you even attempt to talk to your partner, take a few moments away from the situation to clear your mind. It’s never a good idea to try and talk to someone while you are angry. It will only make the situation worse.
- Count to 10 before you speak. A good way to calm down while angry is to count to 10 before speaking. This gives you a moment to figure out how you can respond wisely to the situation instead of reacting to it.
- Listen. Give your partner time to explain their view of the situation. It’s possible that you’ve overreacted. The whole situation may not even be serious once it has been explained.
Try using active listening, where you repeat back what you heard to your partner. This will show that you understand what has been said and that you care about your partner’s feelings.
4. Take a time out. Before you say something that you may later regret, it may be worth it for both of you to step away from the situation. Set a time to revisit this topic later, when emotions aren’t running so wild.
Silent Treatment Makes Things Worse!
5. Avoid the silent treatment. When you’re having an argument with your spouse, it can be tempting to slam the door and give them the silent treatment. While this approach may calm you down temporarily, it will likely cause anxiety or maybe anger in your spouse.
This doesn’t mean that you need to resolve the argument immediately but make your spouse aware that you need a little time to calm down and think about the next step.
If your spouse has ever given you the silent treatment, you can understand how much anxiety it can cause.
6. Focus on the present. When you get angry, you may want to bring up issues from the past, but this isn’t the time to talk about the past. Focus on what has happened in the present to make you angry.
7. Avoid creating triangles in your relationship. When you’ve had an argument with your spouse, it may feel good to talk, or rather complain, to your best friend. Wanting to vent is a natural reaction but talking to your friend rather than your spouse will not resolve the issues.
Instead, make a valiant effort to talk through your issues with your spouse as this will stop him from feeling isolated and defensive. Learning how to control anger in a relationship is not easy, but it’s well worth it.
Forgiveness Is A Gift You Give to Each Other!
8. Forgive your spouse. Often, anger comes from the frustration of knowing that past arguments have gone unresolved. It is important after an argument that you both forgive each other, so that you can move on emotionally.
9. Connect physically. Hug your spouse after an argument, as this physical connection helps to resolve feelings of resentment. Physical intimacy, in particular, works wonders.
10. Look past the issue. We all have certain topics that cause anger and conflict, such as money, religion, or politics, for example. Rather than reacting angrily to a different opinion, try to let it go. Change the subject and, instead, talk about things that don’t automatically trigger your anger.
There are things that are going to frustrate you when you’re in a relationship but make an effort to follow these tips and you may discover that your whole relationship experience is changing for the better.
Learn How to Control Anger in A Relationship so You Can Be FREE
Try this reflection and affirmation.
I know that anger is a straitjacket. When I am angry, I am unable to focus on the future in a positive way. Anger keeps my mind stuck in the past. Negative emotions prevent me from focusing on the present.
Like everyone else, I do feel anger from time to time. However, I am able to let go of anger quickly. I recognize my anger and then resolve the situation that created the anger.
If I am unable to resolve the situation, I let go of my stress and anger anyway and move forward with my life.
Anger steals from the present and the future. I am fully living when my mind is positive and focused on the present moment. Anger is a thief that steals my time and attention.
I know that feeling anger is bad for my physical and mental health. So, I smile easily and avoid taking life too seriously. I am quick to laugh and avoid negative emotions in general.
I release my negative emotions as quickly as possible. This is a valuable skill that I build upon each day. I allow my negative emotions to dissolve as soon as they are formed.
Today, I focus on the positive things in my life. I am free of anger and other harmful emotions. I let go of my anger so I can be free to live my life to the fullest. Today is a great day.
Self-Reflection Questions for You to Answer
- What am I angry about right now? How is my anger hurting me? In what ways is my anger hurting my spouse? How is my anger hurting my relationship?
- What does anger cost me? Is there any harm in releasing my negative emotions instead of ruminating on them?
- What can I do to resolve the situations that are causing anger in my life?
Simple Anger Management Tips to Incorporate Into your Life, Starting Today!
If you feel more than a little angry on a regular basis, you might want to incorporate a few anger management techniques into your life. Anger can cause a whole host of challenges, from health issues, to career challenges, to even finding yourself in jail.
Most people avoid relationships with someone that is frequently angry. Anger just isn’t attractive, and it drives others away, both in your personal and professional life.
Luckily, there are strategies you can practice that can help you deal with your anger in a constructive manner.
Tame your anger and feel better with these techniques
- It’s important to want to resolve your anger issues. Many people with anger management issues don’t view such issues negatively. Many believe they’re simply being honest. Others acknowledge that they often get their way when they show a little anger.
If you don’t believe that your anger is negatively impacting your life, you won’t reduce its presence in your life.
2. Be more accepting of others. What makes us angry? Generally, it’s when others don’t behave the way we think they should.
Perhaps you’re being unreasonable. There are a lot of ways to view the world other than your own. Be willing to accept other perspectives, value systems, and ways of doing things.
3. Avoid making assumptions. Those that are chronically angry tend to assume hostile motives by those who are making them angry. Do you really know why someone did something? In most cases, you can’t know. So why assume their motive is the most unappealing option you can imagine?
Put off judging the motivations of others until you have actual proof. Assume innocence until you have information to the contrary. It’s not easy to know exactly why someone did or said something. Perhaps you could ask them!
Take Time To Calm Your Mind & Clear Your Thoughts!
4. Take a five-minute break before responding in anger. Once you’re angry, you don’t think very well. If you’re going to respond in a hostile manner, it’s best to make that decision when you’re calm.
Science has shown that the ability to think rationally is compromised when you’re feeling strong emotions. You’re acting more from instinct than intellect when you’re angry.
5. Exercise. There are many studies that have shown that exercise is helpful in boosting your mood, and it doesn’t take a lot of exercise. Just five minutes can be enough to see a benefit. A short walk can take the edge off your anger.
Make exercise a daily routine and notice how it affects your anger.
6. Use relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, and music that soothes you can all help. So can a warm bath, aromatherapy, and spending time doing hobbies that you enjoy. Try a variety of techniques and stick with the ones that work best for you.
It’s best to make a habit of using relaxation throughout the day, not just when you’re feeling angry. Prevention can be the best cure.
7. Reduce the amount of stress in your life. Stress puts you closer to the threshold of anger. Think about everything in your life that causes you stress. What changes can you make to reduce that stress?
Get Professional Help If You Need It For Anger Management in Your Relationship!
If you’ve tried self=help methods before and you’re still having trouble controlling your anger, professional help is available. Anger management issues are common and some mental health professionals specialize in helping those that can’t control their anger. Help from an expert can be more effective than trying to deal with this issue on your own.
Anger is a common emotion, but most people don’t feel anger to any great degree on a regular basis. If you have difficulty making it through the day without boiling over at least once, it may be time to gain control over your anger.
Chronic stress and feelings of anger can be very damaging to relationships, your health, and your career.
Learn how to control your anger is a relationship effectively. Take control over this negative emotion and you’ll benefit in more ways than you can imagine!